I'm not an activist, nor do I even attempt to be. I do, however, follow any news story that affects me directly, and the Proposition 8 trial is one on those things.
When Proposition 8 was passed, it seemed unreal to me. I expected that sort of thing to happen in, say, Texas, but in California? I was completely stunned.
But, I found out quickly that there was still much work to be done before the matter could be considered remotely closed, so I waited for a day before I could react accordingly.
Today is that day.
Yes, I know that the issue won't be closed for some time. In fact, I can only assume that, much like Roe vs. Wade, even if the Supreme Court votes in our favor, this issue will continue to be a hot button for several generations at least.
But today, I wanted to quietly celebrate. Why celebrate even though it still isn't definite?
Because, even if it is just for now, those who are against gay marriage are being confronted with facts, rather than stigma, superstition, and fear. The only core argument we, as gay people and our allies, had was that we were equal, and should get equal rights. That simplicity was both a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it is a simple concept to grasp, but a curse because it is easy for those who oppose to manipulate it into something black and ugly. Or at least attempt to.
I have been with my husband for 14 years. We have experienced the same ups and downs as a heterosexual couple. We've had money scares, we've had medical scares, we've had fights, and awkward silences. We've also had giggle fits, loving smiles in public, and moments of silence where one would say to the other, "Get out of my head!"
Our love isn't simple and clean, but it's complicated, messy and at times a little scary. That's what makes it strong. We are too busy living our relationship to become complacent and bored.
We have all these things, and while we live in Indiana, we will not get the same recognition in this state as a heterosexual couple would.
Our argument for same sex marriage is simple. We, as consenting adults, love each other and wish to have that love recognized so that we can build our lives together with the same benefits as heterosexual citizens.
Yet nothing that is simple seems to go on that way for long. There is always someone who has to make it complicated, which is the best way to describe this issue.
Myths and untruths about homosexuals began to fly around, and people started using phrases like "Sanctity of Marriage", and "Moral Fabric of the Nation." Polls started appearing from out of nowhere about whether or not same sex marriage was right, or wrong. News coverage of the issue spent a lot of time taking the simple concept of love and turned it into something that can be analyzed and voted on.
But while all this has been going on, my husband and I go on loving, living, and enjoying the chance that we have to be our own kind of couple.
Then Judge Walker reveals his decision about Proposition 8 today, and in his scathing response to the issue, he basically says (in a way that only a Judge can) what we have been saying all along.
"Moral disapproval alone is an improper basis on which to deny rights to gay men and lesbians. The evidence shows conclusively that Proposition 8 enacts, without reason, a private moral view that same-sex couples are inferior to opposite-sex couples. (pp 135 line 3)"
In short, this issue cannot be decided based on whether or not a group of people simply don't like it. There has to be concrete evidence of a severe threat to our nation in order to deny the rights of any one group of people.
It is something that most GLBT people have known all along, but it was nice to hear someone with a gavel echo is back to everyone.
Some of you may be against same-sex marriage. I honestly don't feel that my rights as a human being are up for debate. I've heard every single argument out there, and none of them are based on true fact. Even during the trial of Prop 8, there was not one "fact" that was offered to the judge that didn't revert back to "moral disapproval".
I know a nurse who said that she never thought about gay rights until the day that a man's partner passed away suddenly from a brain anurysm. They tried to save him, but there was nothing that could be done.
She said for the first time in 9 years as a nurse, when someone cried out in grief, she put her hands to her ears. She said that the grief of loss was so profound that it was almost unbearable. The poor man was alone at the hospital, since no other family members had the time to arrive just yet. He wanted some time alone, so he went into another room.
When the grieving man's partner's family arrived, they were very cold to him. Words were said on both sides, and rather than helping each other to grieve, they only poured salt in each other's wounds. But after all was said and done, however, the family had each other, and the widower had no one.
My friend went to him, and going against her own rules of nursing, asked the man if he had anyone who could come to be with him. He said he didn't, what was left of his family being scattered all over the country, and none were really close to him.
She asked if there were any friends, and he said yes, but he didn't know if he could call them.
She asked for his phone, and just started going through the phones contact list, until she found someone who was close to the man, and could contact others. Within a half an hour, the man had several friends who were holding his hand, letting him cry, and helping him grieve.
"I didn't sleep at all that night," she said to me, "because I knew that seeing that changed how I saw people."
I asked her if she had ever seen anything like that before, and she said she hadn't. Not of that magnitude.
I hope that to get my point across to those reading this who are against same sex marriage don't have to wait for someone to die to get them to think about what this issue is really all about. Instead, there are pictures you need to see. High definition pictures taken from same sex marriages from various parts of the world. I will warn you, you will see hands held, lips touching, and embraces of love and victory. If homosexuality is so revolting to you that you can't see the love in these pictures, then I feel sorry for you. But if there is one picture, just *one*, that tugs at your heart in any way, then there is hope that you will understand that love can't be regulated. Love can't be controlled. Love isn't just for the privileged, and the pious. Love is just as wonderous for gays and lesbians as it is for straights, and it hurts just as much for us when it's gone.
Follow the link below, and whether you are for or against, I hope it gives you something to think about. This is what Judge Walker ruled in favor ot today in California.
http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2010/08/same-sex_marriage.html#
Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way