Okay, so the LOLcat did its job...

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...because I totally LOLed....

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I've Been Here

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Believe me, the conversation with the minimum wage worker because really awkward, fast!

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Don't Laugh Because You *Will* Feel Bad For Laughing

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A Moment While Shopping

I was walking through WalMart when I ran into Holly, daughter of the director and a fellow cast member in Godspell.

She was on the phone with her mother when I approached her, and she said, "Hey Mom?  Yeah, Will is here."

She always calls me Will.  It's one of many names I am happy to answer to, and one of the few the include my actual name.

There was a pause, then she said, "Will!" even louder.  I wasn't sure if it was poor reception or poor memory that was causing the communication problem.

"You know!" Holly said, "Will!"

I said, "Tell her it's the black one."

Either Holly didn't hear me, or didn't want to repeat what I said.  Instead, she said, "It's Jesus!" referring to my role in Godspell.

There was another pause, and Holly rolled her eyes but before she could repeat herself yet again, I said, "Tell her it's the *black* one."

A nearby WalMart worker just stared at me, probably wondering if I was crazy.

Later, while I was talking to someone else I knew, I heard the sound of glass shattering.  I really do hope the two incidents aren't connected in some way.

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Beginning cutters?

I'm sure the description on these school scissors could have been worded differently.

Wm--

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School Supplies

We are getting school supplies for my nephew. He isn't with us today, which makes it easier. Lots of annoying and/or depressed kids around today.

Wm--

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Mom is garden shopping.

Glad I took a Zyrtec! I got rehearsal tonight!

Wm--

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Thinky About My Happy

It's the middle of the night, and I'm still at my computer too thinky to sleep.  That's right.  Thinky. Don't bother looking it up, because you aren't going to find it.  It isn't a word, but it should be.

I'm thinky and it's all about finding my Happy.  No, Happy isn't a noun, but it should be.

Finding my Happy isn't difficult, but getting the Happy right the first time is going to be a bitch.

That's right, I said bitch.  No one ever said I had a clean mouth.  Especially no one that I've slept with.

So, how can I find my Happy?  Well, there are several ways, but there is one way that I keep coming back to in my mind.  I think that before long, I am going to have to make it happen.

I need a road trip.  Not to anywhere in particular, but a road trip.  The kind of road trip where I'm pretty to explore, and talk, and find places and people who are very far away.  I need to rediscover that picking a hotel at random isn't the best idea, but then again is a great idea for writing a good story.

I need to find a restaurant that should totally be on a TV show, but will never be on one because they have three channels, a land line telephone, and no internet.  They *do*, however, have killer ribs, and a mean potato salad.

I need to find a bar that considers a Kamakaze a cocktail, with patrons who aren't afraid to laugh about anything and everything.

I need to do a roadkill count while driving down a stretch of road, while at the same time hoping that there will be a gas station soon.

I need to sleep in the back seat while someone else takes over for a while.

I need to make up stories of people I am passing on the road.  I need to make up stories about the people I am riding with.  I just need to make up stories.

I need people to give me shit for always having my nose pressed into my PSP or Nintendo DS while passing by "beautiful" scenery.

I need a destination that can have so many possibilities that I am almost frozen with indecision.  A destination with colorful people who aren't afraid to tell me their Story.  I need to look forward to that. 

I need to take a bazillion pictures with only half of them being focus, and only half of those being any good.  I want to keep them all because they are memories that are clear in my mind.

I need to blog from the road about things I've seen, the people I've met, and the gas I am wasting.  I'll probably make commentary that if BP can get away with it, so can I.  I'm not killing wildlife, however, just time.

I need go 5 miles an hour above the speed limit to catch up to the hottie with the HRC sticker on his back bumper.  I need to go 10 miles an hour to get his attention and say Woof!

I need to call my mother, and hear her gasp as she discovers where I'm at.  She won't know where it is on the map exactly, but it will sound really really far away.  It would be better if a cow would moo, or a train would pass by. 

I need to listen to an audiobook for longer than 10 minutes. I want to be so lost in the story that miles pass and I'm not even aware of it.

I need to have the kind of discussion with friends that you only have in close quarters in a vehicle after being in it for a few hours.  Raw, reckless conversation where you learn things by getting a bit irritated, and knowing you are doing the same to everyone else.

I need to sing along to music with other people. 

I need to text my friends back home, making them glad they aren't with me, and jealous at the same time.  I need to send them pictures with captions that make me hear them laughing in my head. 

I need to create inside jokes that will live on until the end of time.  Inside jokes that aren't funny but to us.

I need to go to Wal-Mart in the middle of CousinFuck America, go to the electronics area, and watch confusion ripple amongst the crowd.

I need all of this.  I need it soon, and I need it without guilt or remorse.  I need to pull into my driveway, and be glad to be home, exhausted from everything that I've done, every person I have talked to, and every hour that has passed. 

There are other forms of my Happy, but this one makes a great reset.  A reset that will, in essence, give me perspective so I can find my direction again after being lost for the last couple of months. I have felt that my life has been out of my control, and I need to get that control back.

My Happy makes sense to me, even if it doesn't to anyone else.  I don't drink heavily, and I don't do any drugs.  I don't have a lot of options around here and I need an escape.  Life keeps getting in the way of gaming, and going to the bars is fun, but not an escape. 

Don't get me wrong, that isn't to say that I'm not happy now.  Saying that would mean that anyone who has ever done the happy dance at eating a food they love, or sighed contentedly when they curl up on the couch to watch a movie isn't happy themselves.  No, my Happy isn't all my happy, but just an enhancement.  A reminder.  A refresher.

So, I've been Thinky about my Happy. Now I just need to get the time to do it.  Not only is my plate full, but I had to get a second plate.  No one can help me empty it, I have to do it myself, because I piled everything on there myself. 

But make no mistake, this Happy, the one I am all Thinky about, is coming.  It has to, because everything else I do will be for nothing if I collapse as I sometimes do.  Not physically, but emotionally where I withdraw to the point where all of my commitments, promises and contracts don't matter to me anymore.  It's been years since I've done that, and I'm not doing it this time.  I'll jump in my truck and make the Happy happen happily. 

Goddamn right I will.

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Well, poop...

I was hoping I wouldn't be making this post so soon.  I was really hoping that late tonight, maybe early tomorrow morning, I would be posting my "It's Done" post, complete with a picture of my new tower as it is processing every nuance of that exact post.

It takes a while to put together a computer, and even longer to install the operating system, updates, then relevant software.

But, I hit a brick wall, and I'm bummed. 

Turns out I bought the wrong RAM for the computer, and the process of replacing it is....complicated. Plus, it turns out the Operating System I ordered won't be in for a week. 

What I want to do is go to Indy right now, get the correct RAM and Operating System, and damn the cost.  But that would be unwise.

We have already discovered that sending the RAM back to NewEgg is costing us 56 bucks, so that stings.  And the RAM we did purchase was cheap because it was a much older type, so replacing it is going to cost us.

And I also discovered very recently that I somehow got the wrong brand of video card if I want to also install Linux and use the video drivers.  ATI will not cooperate with Linux, and that's the card I got.

There was a time I wouldn't even touch a computer to put it together.  I was strictly software oriented.  Now I know why.

So, it looks like my grand reveal of my new computer will be at least a week out.  Remember that picture from this morning?  Yeah, I don't look like that anymore.

*grumble*  I know it's just a computer, but still.....

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A Start

Stupid me, but I got the wrong ram. I also got word that my copy of Windows 7 is delayed until next week so no new computer for me today. I'm bummed. So far, assembly is going well at least. I have the CPU and heatsink installed on the motherboard, which is now attached to the case along with the power supply. Lots of work left!

See and download the full gallery on posterous

Wm--

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It's Here!

As predicted, the UPS guy wasn't cute. But I could have kissed him nonetheless. The items are unpacked. The table is cleaned and now smells of lemons. I have Showtunes playing on Sirius. I am ready! Let's do this!

Wm--

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*squeak*!!!

Why do I look excited?  Because today is the *day*!

What day is that?  The day when I can start *building*!

What am I building?  A new computer!  A spiffy new computer!  And I'm gonna build it myself!  Usually UPS arrives between 10 and 11 without fail!  That's in a couple of hours!

Why am I wearing a bathrobe?  Because I sent an e-mail to UPS to let them know that there won't be an incident like last time.  This way, they won't waste any time arguing over who gets to deliver my "package".

Pfff, as if!  UPS's track record for cute delivery men have sucked.  But still, I promised the bathrobe, so I'm wearing the bathrobe.  Or at least keep it on the front doorknob so I don't forget again.

Anyhoo...

I've never built a computer from scratch before, so it will be a day of adventure, and believe me, I'm gonna blog about it.  With pictures. Some pictures will be of the computer parts.  Some will be of me smiling. Or crying.  Or calling Bill. Maybe there will be a shot of three of the four.  Who knows!  But today is the day it's gonna happen!

So, stay tuned!  You are going to hear all about my New Computer Assembly Adventure!  Right now, I'm going to find something to occupy my time, so I don't just sit around and squeak everytime I hear a truck drive by.  After about 20 minutes of that, I start to get a headache.

*squeak*!

 

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Early Morning This and That: July 27th, 2010

1.  Bad Dream

Had a bad dream last night, which is why I was awake at 6:20 this morning.  Not gonna get into the contents of the bad dream, there is no point, but it I woke up feeling a little edgy and stressed.  The good side of it is that it made me think, "I guess I should blog about what's going on."  Why I put those two things together are hard to explain.

2.  ...

I guess I should start with this.  In the last 6 months or so, the isolation I feel living in a small town has been starting to get to me.  I haven't done much traveling lately, and this tends to happen when I find myself stationary for long stretches of time.  Wanderlust doesn't even begin to cover what I feel.

In the last year, I have taken some major steps in planting roots here in Shelbyville.  They are good roots, don't get me wrong, like becoming active in the local theatre and the possibility of Bill and I refinancing the house, but I am planting roots in the last place I would.

Even though my Stand Up gives me regular opportunities to travel, there is something about permanent roots here that...well...makes me feel that there are a lot of opportunities that are going to pass me by.  Every post I read online from someone experiencing something new, something fun, something full of city life, I look at those roots and I sigh. 

Another aspect of my isolation, and this is a big one, is that for the first time in my life, my "individualism" is causing me grief.  This is a new feeling, and it is mostly caused by constantly being surrounded by those who can't help but remind me that I simply don't belong. 

I'm a free talker, meaning that I love having conversations with no limits.  I also love having conversations with no point, but that's a different issue.

But around here, conversations with no limits have been...well...limited to a select few.  As far as everyone else, I have to pick and choose my words carefully, something I have never been able to do without making myself tired.

"So," someone says to me, "my wife and I were on vacation last month and she gets all pissed because...."

I used to smile and absorb the story, enjoying it whether it's well told or not.  Sometimes an awkwardly told story is something you just have to refine in your mind on the fly, which is a fun little game.

Anymore, however, I just smile, and inwardly cringe.  I know it's coming, and I can't do a damn thing about it.

"....and she gets all quiet," the guy says to me, "and I know I'm in the trouble again.  Does your woman ever do that to you?"

There is an old me.  A younger, more reckless me that had an automatic response to that sort of assumption.  He's gone now, replaced by a guy who thinks of this sort of response, and thinks again, "But I *live* here.  These people can make living here even more awkward.  Don't be an ass."

I hate that guy. 

So, instead, I just say the one thing I can.  Something that I rarely ever say sincerely.

"..."

But that isn't the only time I have to say that.  Even more so, discussions of activities at church provide me with more opportunities to not say anything.

I didn't really get a grip on my Atheism until after I moved here, and I can say that the adjustment was quick, but jarring.  In fact, it wasn't until I met my good friend Khrystyne that I felt comfortable being a bit more open about it because she is an Atheist to, and I felt that I had someone at my back at least.  Not that my husband wouldn't have my back, but he is the type that wouldn't divulge that information, or any information, if he could help it.  Besides, he is a Believer.

"What church do you go to?" someone asks me. 

"Well," I say, "I don't."

I wish like hell this would be the end of the conversation, but it isn't.  It brings more questions.  Why not?  Have I not found one I'm comfortable with yet?  Where do I get my spiritual guidance.

There is an old me.  A younger, more reckless me that had an automatic response to that line of questioning.  He's gone now, never really having a chance in a city where Wal-Mart sold out of The Passion Of The Christ.  Twice.  The reckless guy was replaced by a guy who is tired.  Tired of looks of concern and consternation.  Tired, in general, of having to justify my belief system in a line of conversation I never even began to begin with.

So when people ask me what church I go to, my response is usually,

"..."

I thought maybe joining the local theatre would help, since people who enjoy the stage tend to be much less judgmental, and while that is mostly true, that isn't always the case.  And those who are judgmental also have the flair for the dramatic.  Toss in that small community theatres often become close in the two months while working on a production, and I find myself dishing out a whole lot of "..."

In this day and age, there is one place where a person can go that is as free as you can get, the internet.  To me, the internet is just like the Big City, where you have your normal people, freaks, geeks, hate mongers, and all around assholes just waiting to respond to something you say.  But overall, it's a comfortable place for me to go, because for everyone one person who hates something I say, there are three people who come to my defense.

In short, I have no use for "..." on the internet.

Except for one place.  That would be Facebook.

I like Facebook.  It sates my short attention span, it keeps me in touch with people I have in my life, but are too far away to interact with personally.  I'm not afraid to say that I love playing little games like Farmville and Cafe World to pass what little time I have in place of the long video game marathons I crave.

There are people I know who hate Facebook.  They hate Facebook's privacy policy, they hate the sheep mentality, and mostly, they hate Farmville.  Boy, do they hate Farmville.  And they tell me about it.

My response?

"..." 

Where am I going with this?  What, you thought I wasn't going somewhere with this, just rambling, bitching, and ranting?  Nope.  Not this time.

I have been a bit more free with information on my status updates, posts and notes on Facebook.  Just like with this post, I use a service called Posterous which takes one post and sends it to Facebook, Twitter, LiveJournal, Tumblr, Google Buzz, and Blogspot.  I have people who read my posts in each of those services, and I don't want to have to repost 6 times every time I wanna say Boo.

I also have it set up where anything that I mark as "Favorite" on YouTube gets posted on Facebook.  Sometimes I forget that, which is where my grief begins. 

It seems that some of my posts that make it clear that I'm Gay and/or an Atheist have ruffled some feathers, and I get messages from folks telling me such.  Of course, rather than post a direct comment to the post itself, I get messages in my mailbox of my various outlets. 

Apparently, I'm rubbing my sexuality people's faces, and doing everything I can to disrespect religion and hate on Christianity.

In the last 6 months, this sort of correspondence has happened three times, and this last time, I snapped.

Rather than go through my usual spiel of apologizing without really apologizing, I simply replied, "I really don't care that you are offended.  I just wish you would be so *quietly*."

As I hit Send, without the usual hesitation when I am sending something that might cause me grief later, I realized that everything is starting to catch up to me.  The isolation, the restraint, and the feeling of not belonging in this city is starting to really really get to me.  And I don't know how to fix it without causing other problems for myself.

In fact, whenever I try to think this through and I ask myself how I can help the situation, my only response is, "..."

Yeah....I'm saying it to myself now.

3.  The Office

I have been contracted to work part time on evenings and weekends to do maintenance on computers in an office here in town.  I have a list of duties and a limit on hours, and other than that, I can work whenever I want, as little as I want.  Being a computer/video game/gaming geek, I can always use extra money so I'm doing what I can, when I can, how I can.  In fact, last night I put in 5 hours, working late trying to get Service Pack 3 installed on a computer that should have had it done ages ago.  I'm going to be spending the next couple of months playing catchup, getting all 50 computers up to date before I can even start on the real work that is supposed to happen.

4.  Godspell

I got a text from Lora, a director I have worked with before, telling me that she had a bit of a mess going on with the production of "Godspell", which she just held auditions for.  She had only 9 of the 10 spots filled, and she needed someone to come in to fill in the empty slot.

With the recent Computer Maintenance contract, my plate was full as it was, but when I heard that the role she was missing was the lead, Jesus Christ, I sort of jumped at the chance.  Never had a lead like *that* before, and Lora sounded like she really really wanted me to do the part. 

It is going to be the biggest challenge so far.  First off, it's in Rushville, so this is the third theatre company I have performed for.  It's even smaller than Shelbyville and Greensburg.

I'm sure having a Gay, Mixed, Atheist playing Jesus, who is in turn dressed as a hippy type, is going to cause heads to...well, not explode....but cave in just before just completely melting back into primordial ooze. 

Of course, I could just save myself a bunch of grief if I just said, "..."

The other challenge that I Have is that the vocal range is for a Tenor, and I am more of a Baritone.  I'm lucky to have friends who are willing to help me make the most out of the range that I have, but I'm still terrified that the impression I made in "Into The Woods" will be completely shattered by a squawky, awkward, and broken voice every time I try to sing "God Save The People".

We will just have to see about this adventure.

5.  Market Days

I am going to be in Market Days in Chicago this year, rather than going to Gen Con in Indianapolis.  Believe me, that was not an easy decision to make because I still haven't experienced Gen Con except for just one day.  I would love to dive in and game until I only speak in d20 and I try to pay for my McDonald's with red glass counters.

Anyhoo, for my readers who live in Chicago, I would love to see you.  Of course, I'm not just there to enjoy the weekend (boy, that would be swell, wouldn't it?), I have things I will be doing, but I doubt I won't be doing them *constantly*.  I'll be in the downtown proper mostly, but if you are going to be at Market Days, let me know.  If we don't have contact info already, I would love to exchange it so we can meet up. 

---

Okay, the alertness from the bad dream just faded and it's harder to focus.  I'm gonna work on some other stuff now.  I have more stuff to talk about, but I want to do so with a clear head. 

Talk soon!

Wm--

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Fresh Cake -- Where I Got It!

via shirt.woot.com

For those who asked where I got the shirt, here you go. 15 bucks free shipping!

NUUUDE!

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New shirt

Cupcake says,"NUUUDE!"

Love it!

Wm--

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For Those Who Play Guild Wars

I can be found online as Gostrick Brendor.  I have two other alts, one a Necro/Ranger, the other as an Elementalist whose second profession I'm currently trying to determine. 

If you play, add me online.  I love to group.  There is so much of the game I haven't done, because I'm only really soloed, and the AI for the henchmen really sucks when I need them to get their act together.

Anyhoo, talk soon, offline or on. 

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way

Why am I the only one to witness such things?

I just witnessed this.  I am not making this up.  This really happened, and my appetite is ruined forever.

Our neighbor was on his riding mower tidying up his yard while enjoying a cold beer. I happened to look up at him just before he ran over a diaper.  I only had enough time to recognize it as a diaper, right before the mower made a hideous noise.  I don't know if the diaper was full or not. 

I winced, and I look away to their dog, a boxer, who was in the middle of taking a dump.

I quickly looked away back to the neighbor, who was then picking his nose with one hand, tipping back the beer with the other, mower still trucking along.

I looked away again, back at the boxer hoping the dog had finished doing the business.

The dog was eating the business.

There was so much disgusting hideousness going on, my brain overheated.  It's cooling down now, I'm sitting next to a couple of fans.  I don't think there was too much damage to my brain, except when I try to remember what I had for breakfast this morning, an image of Carol Burnett tweezing her eyebrows pops in my head.  There is a definite synapse misfire going on there, but it's just the one, so I'm not concerned.

This is the sort of thing that makes me want to go out to the freeway at the exit ramp, and veer people away.  Nothing to see here except nosepicking, beer drinking, diaper shredding simple folk with shit eating dogs.

Crap, why I didn't I just look down at my feet as I went into my house?  So...much....regret......

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My nephew, Jacob.

He is enjoying a huge cookie!

Wm--

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Track by Track: Deadmau5 -- For Lack Of A Better Name

I thought it would be fun to listen to an album for the first time and write down my impressions as I hear them.  I'm not a music critic, nor is this meant to influence you one way or the other as far as buying this album.

 

So, here goes. 

 

1.  FML

 

An odd beginning.  A bit abstract, I hope it comes together at some point.  Right now it sounds like someone playing with a drum machine.

 

Final Impression:  I guess my first impression kind of stuck with me.  It sounded like someone playing with a drum machine, but finally got the hang of it.  I hope this was just experimental.  Ends with creepy laughter, then goes right into....

 

2.  Moar Ghosts and Stuff

 

I already know the track that follows, so I'm assuming this is a prologue or something.  Creepy movie clips and a synth of that death march that everybody knows but not many know the name.  I know I don't.  I find it funny they should call it "Moar Ghosts..." since this comes before the song everyone already knows.

 

It's teasing me with bits of the next song.  Not sure if its a good thing or not.  I know I want to go to "Ghosts and Stuff" now because I love that song.

 

Final Impression:  It's a prologue, that's about it.  Nothing really catches my ear, except for the bits that make me want to skip ahead.

 

3.  Ghosts and Stuff

 

I can't give a first impression of this song because I already know it.  It's an awesome track with great synths and good vocal harmonies.  True, they are auto tuned, but that's OK.  It's a dance track.  Auto tune works here because it isn't supposed to be a vocal legend type song. It's a dance track. 

 

This is the sort of track that made me a fan of Deadmau5.  Let's see if the rest of the album helps me remain a fan.

 

4.  Hi Friend!

 

From the get go, it's a party track.  Under the right circumstances, it could be a floor filler.  Maybe with the right remix. The high pitched synths hurt my teeth, though.

 

Okay, kind of monotous.  Maybe it would sound better on a dance floor. 

 

Final Impression:  Not impressed.  Like I said, needs a remix.

 

5.  Bot

 

Another strange "drum machine experiment" type track, it seems.  In fact, it seems to be a strange echo of the first track.  Strange.

 

C'mon Deadmau5.  I've heard so many awesome tracks with your name on it.  Why haven't heard them yet?  (except for Ghosts...)

 

6.  Word Problems

 

Oy....more drums.  I get that this is a continuous mix type album, but so far, the only standout track is the one I already know.  And it seems very out of place with the droning drums, and the occasional vocal clip.  Drum machine meets soundboard.  This one says "Word Problems".

 

7.  Soma

 

Finally.  A break in the monotonous drums.  But only after 1:40 into this track.  Then, a beautiful piano riff that makes me hope that....

 

Never mind.  Back to the strange drums.

 

And back to the beautiful piano.  Come on, Deadmau5, you are gonna give me blue balls if you keep this up.

 

8.  Lack Of A Better Name

 

Started with monotonous drums, then teased me with beautiful strings, only to be overpowered by obnoxious synths.  I really am getting kind of irritated at this.

 

9.  The 16th Hour

 

Honestly, after the previous tracks, that's how I feel.  But this track is starting off promising.  It has a more familiar feel.

 

Oh, and look, sweeping synths and a lead synth that is actually attractive if not a bit abstract.  Dare I hope?  Let's see what happens....

 

Back to the drums and synths, with only peeks of the strings.  Not a bad track, but.....still kinda droning.

 

 

10.  Strobe

 

This track is starting out very new age-y.  I wonder how this plays out.  I've been steered wrong before.

 

Lovely pianos are back.  Nice reverb.

 

Synth Strings just kicked in. Very nice.

 

From the Strings to hypnotic trance....I hope a melody kicks in at some point.

 

This is a track that matures.  The synths are hypnotic, but there is not real audible grip. 

 

I'll probably have to listen a few times to get the "feel" of the track.

 

---

 

Final impression?  I'm not a big fan of dark, underground trance.  I like my trance to have melodies, sweeping strings, and if there are vocals, something I could listen to all day and never get tired of it.  What we have here seems more like an experiment.  It isn't very musically sound to me, jumping from one thing to the next without anything to connect them audibly.    That's just what it sounds like to me.  Deadmau5 is a great remixer, and he has proven that he can make a killer track (like Ghosts, which is the only standout in this bunch).  I'll keep the one track, and put the rest on "Skip When Shuffling" in ITunes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way

Glenn Beck

You all know me.  I would never wish ill on anyone, no matter how much hatred they spew out.

 

That being said, I definitely wouldn't wish blindness on anyone, not even Glenn Beck.  I will say this.  If I do wish anything, I hope that he is able to find someone in the world that can cure his vision issues.

 

And I hope that doctor is a Gay Mexican who began as an "illegal" that starting knowing very little english years ago.

 

That is what i wish.

 

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I Don't Understand Some People....

**WARNING** --  The following story contains frank discussion about sex.  I use bad language, make adult references, and give information about myself that some might rather not know.  In short, it's a very naughty post, and if you don't like naughty posts, then you should skip.  Thanks, and have a nice day!

I swear I don't understand some people sometimes.  I realize that in this age; the age of the internet, free information, anonymity, and open mindedness, nothing should surprise me anymore.  Please keep in mind that the following story is not odd because of the request, but the conversation that followed.

I was working on the podcast, and I had one of my chat programs up and running.  I received a message from someone that was a real person, saying Hi. 

I responded back.  It was a nice diversion while I worked, and I'm always up for conversation, especially when it comes out of the blue, even if it is in such hostile waters as the internet.

After my response, I received a notice asking me if I wanted to accept a picture file.  I declined, not really sure what the deal was.  At least not yet.

"Please accept the picture.  You will like it." I read.  Actually, what I saw was "PLZ HIT ACEPT!!!  HOT PIC!!!  U WLL LKE IT!"  For the sake of clarity, I am going to clean up the juvenile script. 

I asked what the picture was, losing hope that this was going to be a legitimate conversation.  For all I knew at this point, I was talking to a bot, just waiting to infect my computer with some sort of virus.

"You are gay, right?" came next, and now my suspicions were on high alert.

"Um...yeah.  So?" I typed.

"Do you like to suck dick?" I read.  (Believe me when I say, that you will all appreciate the fact that I not only cleaned up the grammar, but I shortened the question.  I almost needed a rosetta stone.)

I frowned, and typed, "Where is this conversation going?  It's starting to get rude."

"Sorry," was the response, "I'm new to this."

I sighed and typed, "Fine.  Let's start over.  What is your name?  I'm William.  Pleased to meet you."  I find that being polite at a time like this is the quickest way to find out what is wanted of me.  I've been chatting online for *years*.

"I'm Beth." she typed. 

You would be to think that since I have been on the internet for years, that nothing would confound me.  But this isn't true.  In fact, it's the total opposite. Now that almost anything is possible on the internet, it is very easy for my mind to take one path, only to have it derail completely.

I took a breath, podcast forgotten for the moment, and responded, "Hello Beth.  How can I help you?"

"I need you to suck my husband's dick." she said.  Then, as an afterthought, she typed, "Please."

Okay, while I'm not familiar with this territory, I can at least understand what is going on.

"You *need* me to?" I asked, almost jokingly.

There was a pause, then, "Yes."

"Why is that?" I asked.

"Because I won't do it." she replied.

She gained a point for honesty.  Lost two points for not giving head. 

I started to ask why she didn't, but then thought better of it. 

Instead, I asked, "Why me?"

"Because he likes his men African American." she typed.  Again, consider yourself lucky I didn't just cut and paste that response.  While it wasn't racist, it was rather crude.  In case you are curious, she used the word "Juicy". 

I had to pause for a moment, then I carefully responded, "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that won't be possible."  I had to be careful, since this was rejection by proxy, something you usually only find in high school.

"Why not?!" she responded, seeming quite irritable.

"Well, are you from around here?" I asked.

"Batesville." she typed.

"Okay, first off, that's quite a ways for me to drive." I said.

"Well, it says in your profile that you are in an open relationship!" she typed.  This was in all caps, an uncomfortable script I hate using more than once, even if I am just relaying information.

"Secondly, just because I'm in an open relationship doesn't mean I will fuck just anyone, at any time, for any reason." I said, feeling a bit put off at having to argue my way out of this.  I didn't want to just block her, that isn't my way, but she was...

"Oh, you can't fuck him.  I won't let that happen.  He's bad about that.  That's why I have to be there!"

This was, by far, the most difficult translation I had to make.  Not because the words were all abbreviated, some words left out altogether, but because the response was so out there that my brain couldn't put together what she was trying to say.  This was a lot of fucked up information all compacted into several abbreviated, fractured sentences sans punctuation.

Once I figured it out, I typed, "Which brings me to the third reason...."

I'm no prude, but I have to draw a line.  There was no way in hell I was going to drive 45 minutes to suck a strange dick while his woman hovers over me making sure I don't go near his asshole with anything phallic.  To be honest, meeting up with people online has long since lost its excitement.  It's just not something I do anymore.

But what this woman was asking me was just...odd.  Not the request, but the intensity and urgency of it.

So, once I gave my third reason, she went off.  I mean, completely went off like a psycho.  She called me a woman hater.  She called me a fag.  She hoped I burned in hell.

Feeling as if I had let the conversation go too long, I blocked her and closed the chat program.

For those reading this that think that something like this doesn't happen, think again.  If you think that the internet brought this sort of thing along, *really* think again.  This shit has been going on since people started fucking, it's just the internet has made it much much easier to do so with very little risk. 

I got back to my podcast, shaking my head at the absurdity of it all.

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Untitled

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What Is Your Talent?

via youtube.com

So, competition reality shows are all the rage. And it looks like even if they aren't on the forefront of everyone's TV agenda, they will always have a market. People love to watch "everyday people" compete in something, and then get humiliated and eliminated.

I hate these shows, but they do have their moments.

Little did I know, most of those moments would take place in a country different than mine. See, there are certain things that you would never see on American TV. At least, not yet. Call me an optimist.

This clip is from a show called "What Is Your Talent?" and it's from Brazil. There are no subtitles, but if you have ever seen a talent competition show, it's all the same. Introductions, what will you be doing, blah, blah, blah.

But once the actual talent begins, no translator is necessary. Especially when you get to 2:45.

I'm not saying this sort of thing would make me watch talent competitions shows, but it would make me have more faith in my country that I'm more than just a taxpayer.

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Easter In Hell!

via watchonepiecepoint.com

My word. This website contains lots of pictures, some even more horrible than this one.

For the love of all things Cadbury, before you take your children to see the Easter Bunny, make sure he isn't going to give your child nightmares, panic attacks, and a need for Pullup diapers until the age of 12.

I know I almost crapped myself just looking at the pictures, and I wasn't even friggin' there.

Enjoy!

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Naked Gumdrops

So, Bill and I went to the office today to do more computer work, and we stopped at a gas station for drinks.  Root beer for Bill, and a couple of Peach Faygos for me.

Ah, Peach Faygo!  So cheap, yet so yummy!!

Shut up.

Anyhoo, I was passing through the candy aisle, and I saw a box of Dots that was begging to be adopted.  You heard me right.  Adopted.

See, Dots are the kind of candy that can't be bought.  There is so much love that goes into a box of Dots (almost as much love I give in eating them), that it can't be just a simple purchase.  Once I saw a half eaten box of Dots being thrown away at the movie theatre, and I had "Angel" by Sarah Mclachlan stuck in my head for hours.  Just seeing that made me *that* sad and depressed.

For those who have never heard of Dots, they are basically large gumdrops, but without all of that abrasive, super sweet sugar coating the outside limiting your intake of candy.

Anyway, I bought bought the candy and the drinks, and I got back to the truck, where I put the Dots into my laptop bag.

Once I got to the office, I became so engrossed in my work that my brain decided to save the Dots for later.  I was completely oblivious to this, since I was trying to get a computer to install IE7 when the website *insisted* that IE8 was much easier.  Arguing with a Microsoft website is enough to make Kirstie Alley forget to eat candy.  All of you geeks out there know what I'm talking about.

So, Dots forgotten, I finished my work for the evening, then headed to Taco Bell. 

You know, when it comes to food service, I'm all about priorities.  For instance, I can overlook a piercing or two if the food is good and the pierced employee is competent and at least cordial. 

In this case, the manager was talking down to the cashier taking my order because she had a cell phone in her pocket.  I understand that cell phones and smartphones are a distraction in the workplace, but as a customer, it was easy to overlook.  The cashier was polite and was later sincerely apologetic when there was a mixup with my order (for the record, it had nothing to do with the cell phone.)

What surprised me was that the conversation between the manager and the cashier was going on while there were 5 flies casually watching the exchange from a nearby wall. 

I've worked in food service, and one thing is certain.  In the summer months, flies are a reality, and must be continually dealt with.  Even the best maintenace, however can't prevent a fly or two from getting into the building from the outside, especially when the building has a drive through window.

But it was apparent that the manager was more concerned with the polite cashier with a cell phone rather than the infestation of flies who looked as if they were plotting an attack.

Since the flies I could *see* weren't near the kitchen, I didn't ask for a refund and go elsewhere (because let's face it, I wouldn't eat anywhere if I thought about the things I *didn't* see).

The food was alright, for Taco Bell at least, and I came to this computer to do some surfing before bed.

That was when my brain snapped its fingers and said, "Holy moley!  Don't you have candy in your laptop bag?"

That's when I snapped my fingers and said, "Hey!  I gots Dots!"

And so here I am.  Full of Taco Bell and Naked Gumdrops.  I ate the entire box.  And so, every story should have a moral, and this is it.

Never do that.  Never eat Taco Bell, the follow it with a theatre size box of candy.  Any candy.  In my case, it was Dots.  And now bad things are happening inside me.  I have a feeling bad things are *going* to happen to me.

I may just shit a rainbow.  As if I weren't gay enough.

 

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Oh well....

Turns out the "I Write Like" thingy is all a bunch of hooey. 

From what I read, if you put in passages of Edgar Allen Poe, you get the same results that I did. 

Nevermore....

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I wonder how accurate this is. Is this true?

I write like
Arthur Conan Doyle

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

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Look again!

via failblog.org

It's a microphone. Still, they look happy together.

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Well....

via failblog.org

At least putting in the stuffing will be easier.

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Ugh...

I just had an argument with a computer because it kept trying to close the cd rom drive when I needed it open. It won the argument by closing the drive on my finger, causing me to mutter a string of vile obscenities that would make Mel Gibson blush. I have officially become my husband. Wm--

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Rebuilding a computer

It isn't mine and it's boring as hell. Still, I'm getting paid.

Wm--

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10 random things that make me odd....

1.  Just because the radio plays it doesn't mean I'm gonna like it.  Just because my friends love it, doesn't mean I'm gonna love it.  Just because "they" say it's a good thing, doesn't mean I will agree.

 

2.  I can't stand competition television.  That includes sports, but mostly I'm talking about anything on TV that is a cross between a game show and a reality show.  People collective get off on watching people struggle for fame, and we acheive mental orgasm when someone fails.  Hard. 

 

If it were up to me, all competition television would have all of the contestants remain until the final show, and a winner is picked.  Of course, what is the fun in that, since that would give some of the contestants time to get *better*, and it's harder to manipulate who the winner should be. 

 

*ahem* American Idol *ahem*

 

I'm very surprised that more people haven't caught onto the fact that competition television has torn a page from the "Professional Wrestling" Handbook.  Just sayin'.

 

3.  It takes a lot of emotion to make me cry, and it could be any emotion.  However, I don't cry that often, because the level of emotion I would need to feel would have to be considerably high.

 

4.  3D movies are about as appealing to me as the toy at the bottom of a box of cereal.  Maybe when I was younger, there was much more appeal, but as I get older, I see it for what it is.  A gimmick that is supposed to distract you from the fact that the main product is subpar, and with little substance that will remain with you after the movie is over.

 

5.  I can't stand to see someone eating alone, especially old folks.  It breaks my heart.

 

6.  Through no fault of his, it was a rabbi that convinced me to be an athiest.  I'm sure if the rabbi knew this, he would have chosen his words more carefully.

 

7.  I can't picture anything in my head that I haven't seen once already.  If you describe a room to me, and I haven't seen it, no matter how well you described it, I wouldn't be able to picture it in my mind at all. 

 

8.  If I discover that a guy is straight, no matter how attractive I think he is, I lose all interest in him.  This is mostly out of respect, rather than futility.  This doesn't keep me from being playfully flirty if the straight person doesn't mind. 

 

9.  Going bald and getting grey hair isn't bothering me in the least.  Actually, I find it rather funny and I joke about it all the time.  I find it interesting that when I tell people that, they think that I'm only covering up my true feelings.  Truth is, I think it's very silly when people dye their hair and get hair pieces.  Just being honest.  We need to own that shit, rather than cover it up.  Less people laugh at you that way.

 

10.  I'm shy.  I compensate for it by being outlandish and gregarious, but the truth is, I am scared to death when I talk to people on a 1 on 1 basis.  In fact, I sound like an idiot, rambling on and on without rhyme or reason.  Trust me on this one.  I'm shy.

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Haircut!

Much better!

Wm--

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Food For Thought Presented Beautifully: Lost Generation

via youtube.com

Wow.

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