This and That: June 27, 2011

Why do I look like shit?  Because my allergy meds haven't kicked in yet, that's why. 

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1.  It's a rainy Monday morning after a really productive weekend  On Friday, Bill and I competely cleaned out the Family Room, making a huge leap by getting rid of more garbage and donating more stuff.  I feel that we are 90 percent ready to keep the house guest friendly at all times, and that is a huge accomplishment for us. 

The only drawback is that in order to do so, I had to take myself out of my comfort zone many times over the weekend, and my panic disorder is on the fritz.  

Saturday, I helped my friend BigRed and Ken move a few items from their storage unit to their old apartment. They are in the middle of a move and were in need of my truck to get it done.  It was great seeing their new house, and I am all kinds of jealous.  Definite motiviation to getting our house renovated.

Sunday, I was placed in charge of the Shelby County Players Twitter account.  This is an assignment that appeals to my strengths since it takes care of itself after a while.  The account doesn't have much going on right now, but that will be changing soon (I hope).  

2.  I have a million projects I am in the middle of.  Many of them I can do just fine, but there are some that seem to be controlled by my panic disorder.  For instance, (and I really can't explain this), the podcast.  I love doing the show, but when it comes to upload, I start to get really nervous.  With everything that has been going on lately, everytime I go to do it, I start doubting and freaking out.  

I do a lot better when I have someone with me, helping me with the project, but I'm just no good at doing things on my own.  

I didn't realize what the problem was until I began work on the webcomic.  I write the scripts, and I send them to John, and he gives me feedback and such so I feel like there I'm not in this all alone.  Now that I know that, I need to find a way to get that sort of help with many of my projects.  Some of the projects are temporary, meaning once I get them done, I don't have to take them on anymore if I don't want.  I guess now that I think about it, my blogging projects fail for the very same reason. 

I have some video projects that I need to finish.  Those overwhelm me so much that I'm almost in tears.  Don't get me wrong, doing them is easy, it's just the panic and self doubt that is weighing me down.

I'm sorry if this seems like rambling.  I'm just putting down what I feel and I'm not doing a very good job about it.  I might write more about it later, but I feel that I wrote too much already.

3.  July is a big travel month for me.  I'm going to Wichita for Bears in the Heat, then I'm going to Columbus, Ohio for Bear Camp, then I'm going to Oklahoma City for MCA.  

My truck is going to see a lot of miles in the next 30 days.  

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I'm gonna wait for my meds to kick in, then I'm going to attempt to get started on a project.  Wish me luck, I'm going to need it.  And if you are waiting for me to finish something, I'm sorry.  I'm working on it, I truly am.  I didn't realize when I took on these projects that I would be doing them alone, and that it would affect me so badly.  I *will* get them done because I am a man of my word, but goddammit, it's so fucking hard. 

Talk soon, everyone.  

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way