Why am I the only one to witness such things?

I just witnessed this.  I am not making this up.  This really happened, and my appetite is ruined forever.

Our neighbor was on his riding mower tidying up his yard while enjoying a cold beer. I happened to look up at him just before he ran over a diaper.  I only had enough time to recognize it as a diaper, right before the mower made a hideous noise.  I don't know if the diaper was full or not. 

I winced, and I look away to their dog, a boxer, who was in the middle of taking a dump.

I quickly looked away back to the neighbor, who was then picking his nose with one hand, tipping back the beer with the other, mower still trucking along.

I looked away again, back at the boxer hoping the dog had finished doing the business.

The dog was eating the business.

There was so much disgusting hideousness going on, my brain overheated.  It's cooling down now, I'm sitting next to a couple of fans.  I don't think there was too much damage to my brain, except when I try to remember what I had for breakfast this morning, an image of Carol Burnett tweezing her eyebrows pops in my head.  There is a definite synapse misfire going on there, but it's just the one, so I'm not concerned.

This is the sort of thing that makes me want to go out to the freeway at the exit ramp, and veer people away.  Nothing to see here except nosepicking, beer drinking, diaper shredding simple folk with shit eating dogs.

Crap, why I didn't I just look down at my feet as I went into my house?  So...much....regret......

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way