365 Days Of Me (Here and Now): January 9 -- For The Curious; I'm A Baritone

I have an audition tomorrow night, and despite the fact that I have been in two musicals and one other musical revue fundraiser, the thought of singing in front of a group terrifies the ever living shit out of me.

On my desk in front of me is the prepared CD with the accompaniment tracks I need to get me through the next few singing auditions I am going to try out for.  I'm pushing myself to do this, hoping that I will get over this spine chilling terror I feel every time I think about singing in front of someone.

I wish I could make people understand that I have had years of practice performing without letting my true emotions show.  I have performed comedy when I was depressed or just after hearing devestating news.  I have gone to parties and smiled and laughed when really all I wanted to do was cry.  Only a select few can see through it, but I have fooled them sometimes.

So, when I go up to perform and sing anymore, I am in complete control.  The first singing audition I did a year ago, I had no defenses for.  Bill said that he felt sorry for me because I looked so nervous.  But, once that was done, it got easier.  Well, it got easier to hide my nervousness, but it *hasn't* become easier to get rid of it.

Bill also says that I am a masochist when it comes to facing my fears.  I have some pretty deep fears, and with the exception of spiders, I have worked hard to at least get a grip on them.  Singing is a new hurdle that I have to face, and it's a tough one.

I know that being in two musicals should help, but they haven't.  One was even a lead, but each time I would go out onto that stage, I would have to talk myself down from "fleeing terror" to "slight tremble in the hands" just to get through each song.  

I have been given some opportunities that I think I'm going to take.  I think what I really need to do is find some good karaoke, and go regularly.  Maybe that would take some of the edge off.  

For now, I'll just have to keep the antacids at the ready.

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way