365 Days Of Me: January 5 -- The Sake Of Winter

Where there is snow, there is a child who dreams of making the world's biggest snowman.  Like many childhood dreams, there is an innocence to this goal, having less to do with a fame, glory and bragging rights, but simply because he or she believes it can be done.

The dream didn't occur to me until one morning where I discovered that overnight, we had received almost a foot of snow.  Not only that, but the sun was out and the day was the perfect temperature for packing snow.  How I knew this came from a child's instinct rather than book knowledge.  I was on the cusp of becoming a teenager, where I was certain to lose that instinct, as well as the dreams those instincts inspired.

Behind the modest apartment my family lived in was a field that was prime for making a decent snowman.  In my mind, there was enough snow there to create the behemoth I had imagined, and I couldn't help but grin as I put on my winter clothing in preparation.

As I stepped outside the gate of my back patio, I saw that there were only two sets of tracks in the otherwise pristine snow.  One was made by a small animal, and another was definitely the marks of a human.  Neither went into the main area, however, and that was a sign to me that I was meant to make this snowman happen.

On the far end of the field was a fence, then some foliage that was meant to deter anyone from climbing the fence and wander further towards the interstate.  In the summer months, that foliage would produce these berries I still have yet to identify, but as far as I knew, no one child had ever fallen ill from eating them.  But now, those bushes and scrubs were devoid any leaves or berries.

Worried that someone would come along to either spoil my attempts, or try to mimic them and succeed before I could, I set to work.

I had one previous attempt at making a snowman, which was a bit disastrous.  I was going for a perfectly round ball, but while my instincts could tell me that the snow was ready for packing, it didn't tell me to roll all sides of the ball evenly instead of in a straight line.  Doing so made a disc like coil that was impossible to use for what I had intended.  That year it hadn't snowed as much, so there was a lot of dirt, and by the time I realized my mistake, there wasn't enough snow to fix the problem, and make the rest of the snowman as well without making most of it from dirt.  

This time, I was going to do it the right way, and as I began to roll the snow, I turned it this way and that to provide even coverage.  It didn't take long to go from snowball, to basketball and beyond, but with each step as I pushed, the attempt became more and more difficult.

Eventually, I just couldn't push anymore.  It was nowhere near the size I had imagined, but my fatigue was great from the effort, and I was willing to compromise.

I looked around, and tried to pick a fresh spot to start the middle of the snowman.  Again, the ball grew as I pushed, and I tried to mentally plan to get the middle ball to the first one just when it was the right size.  I was concentrating so hard on this that I failed to notice that I had company.

---

He was 2 or 3 years older than me, and tall for his age.  He was the kind of bully who hated so much that he didn't even have the stereotypical cronies with him to cackle and guffaw at every little he made at someone else's expense.

At the time, the neighborhood was predominately white, and this boy loved to make that point every time he saw me.  I guess he saw me as exceptionally happy, because he was exceptionally cruel without provacation or warning.

"Hey, nigger." he said in his awkward pubescent voice, "Aren't you using the wrong stuff to make that nigger snowman?  Shouldn't you be using mud?"

Fear always seems to betray us, causing us to do the one thing we shouldn't when presented with a situation that we knew wouldn't end well.  My fear betrayed me by causing me to freeze like a scared animal, a red light for any bully who was looking for a reason to make someone suffer.

He walked over to the first ball that I had created, which now seems small and silly in comparison to the dream that I had once had, and climbed on top of it.  

In a normal tone, as to not attract attention from the nearby apartments which seems so far away, he said, "This is not how you make a nigger snowman, nigger."  He loved that word, and I don't think there was ever an encounter with him where he didn't use it as much as possible, like a toddler that realized that he got a reaction every time he said "ka ka".

The Bully lifted his foot, and brought it down hard, breaking a large chunk of the ball onto the ground.  He almost lost his balance, and I know that if he had fallen, I would have laughed, which would have proved a very bad idea.

Once he gained his balance, he continued to kick and stomp until there was nothing left but a pile of snow. I could feel my eyes begin to prickle a bit, but fear kept any tears from falling.  Tears fueled his anger, and I just wanted this over with.  Even through my anxiety, there was a small, calculating part of my brain that was already making plans for the ball I had been working on.

As if he could read my mind, The Bully came over to kicked the ball at my feet, which shattered completely.  

I looked at my feet, a sign of resignation, and I felt two hands push the top of my head, and I went flying backward onto my ass.  I didn't look at him, but I could hear him laughing as he ran away.  He did all the damage he could do out in the open, and it was time for him to go back to his lair, or wherever it was he went to plot and plan my next torment session.

I lay there, in the snow, suddenly feeling a sense of defeat that sapped all of the energy out of me.

After a bit of time, the ass started to become very cold and numb, and I stood up and brushed myself off.  The day was ruined for me, and I wondered how close it was to lunch.

"What happened to your snowman?"

If it had been the voice of a child, I would have ignored it, but this was the sound of an adult, and an unfamiliar woman at that.

I whirled around and there stood a young woman, probably mid 30s, wearing a pink coat with a fur trim, and blue jeans.  Her hair was cropped short, but in a feminine way, and she was looking at me neither smiling nor frowning, but still friendly.

"What snowman?" I said with no effort to hide my bitterness.

She looked at the pile of snow which were the remains of the snowman I had attempted, "The one you were working on earlier."

"I....kicked it and...."

"No, you didn't.  I saw that kid running off.  He did it, didn't he?" she said.

The tears in my eyes were threatening to fall, but I wouldn't let them, for all the good it did me. She could still see them.

I nodded my head only slightly, and the woman's face hardened.  I thought she was going to go after the kid, but she didn't.  Instead, she held out her hand and said, "Come with me, wanna see something cool?"

I wasn't about to take her hand, listening to every PSA I ever saw on televisions about Strangers, but I said, "Can I follow you instead?"

She beamed a smile that made me regret my words, seeing that she was probably trustworthy, "Of course.  Smart kid, you."

She led me around the group of apartments and a bit down the street. I still kept my distance, but felt foolish for doing so.  She never glanced back to see if I was still behind her, probably using the crunch of my shoes in the snow to tell her that I was.

We turned another corner, and I stopped dead in my tracks.  I didn't know where she was taking me, but right on the corner in between two groups of apartments where the who sidewalks met, was the biggest mound of snow I had ever seen in my life.  It had been put there by the snow plows to clear the streets after the heavy snow.

The mound was untouched as far as I could see.  

"I thought you would like it.  Wanna build a fort?" the woman said, then as if she were a child, began to run to the mound.  Caught up in the excitement of the moment, I ran after her.

I climbed to the top, absolutely stunned at the enormity of mound.  If this woman had planned on making a fort it was going to be beautiful.  For a moment, I didn't even know where to start.

"First thing we need to do," the woman said, "is dig in the middle to the ground, then work our way out."

Without question, I set to work.

---

It wasn't long before another kid arrived, asking what we were doing. I poked my head up from what I was doing after hearing the voice, and saw a little girl standing there, about my age, who I had seen running around the neighborhood with other girls.  

Instead of answering, the woman asked if the girl would like to join us, and that we were making a fort.  When the girl said yes, the woman said, "Come on up and help this guy, he's digging out the inside."

My fingers were cold and numb, but it was a good feeling.  I had been careful diging away like an excavator, making sure that didn't do anything ruin the integrity of the structure.  On occasion, I would ask the woman for advice, and she would just tell me that I was fine and to just keep digging.

The girl dropped into my work space and said hi.  It was then I realized that I had never given my name to the woman, and she didn't know mine.  But the girl didn't give an introduction, just went to the opposite side of the work area and began to carefully dig, without instruction.

Two more slightly older kids, and the woman's husband showed up to help, and that was when the laughing started.  Jokes were made and snowballs were thrown, but not out of malice but playfulness.  The first snowball that was thrown was by the first little girl to arrive.  She aimed at the woman, who was smoothing the outside of the fort with a piece of cardboard, and missed her by inches.  I was peeking out of the accidental window I had created, and saw the snowball fly by the woman's arm, and I winced.  

The woman laughed and said, "Hey now, you throw, I throw.  It's only fair."

The girl laughed and said, "You are a bigger target, so I can hit you!"

Again I winced, thinking that *this* would anger the woman.

"Oh yeah?" the woman said, "Well, you have smaller legs, so I can catch you."

That was when the snowball fight began.  The woman, her husband, and the other three children fought, each person for themselves, and I watched from safety of where I had been working.  Everytime a snowball would find its target, I would gasp and giggle, since there was some accuracy to be commended from both sides.

I thought for sure that the adults would call a halt to the fun, but instead they let the fight run its course, and even as it did, there was still a chuckle and more laughter.

"Hey!" the woman's husband called out, "You guys need to come out here and look at your fort!"

I started, realizing, that I had been working all this time without even seeing what it was that I was working on.  I was the last to climb out, and when I got to the street, what I saw was glorious.  

Not only did the mound of snow turn into a fortress to be envied, but the size of it seemed to grow.

"Okay," the woman said, "All it needs now is two more things.  But first, I want you all to meet me back here in an hour.  It's 2 o'clock and you all need to eat."

My heart sank.  There was a spontaneous magic spell that was occurring, and I knew that once we all parted, that spell would be broken somewhat, and that was the last thing I wanted.  At the same time, I my focus had been lost and I realized that the woman was right.  I was starving.

"Be back here at 3," the woman said, "and we can finish this thing."

The other kids must have been hungry as well, because they waved goodbye and ran off without the air of apprehension like I felt.

The woman made a shooing motion with her hand toward me, and I reluctantly went back to my own apartment to make myself a sandwich.

---

I was only gone for a half an hour, and I went back to the spot early to wait for the others, if they even came back.  It occurred to me that if they didn't show up, I could just work on the fort myself, but upon inspection, there wasn't a lot more that I could do.  Since I was so caught up with the fun earlier, and I never noticed that the inside was pretty much done, and the outside didn't really need anything else.  I tried to guess what else was needed, but I couldn't come up with anything.

I was surprised when the other kids arrived, all at the same time.  Shortly after that, the woman and her husband arrived.  They were four buckets, two each.

"Good, you are back.  Now, I want you each to take a bucket and fill these buckets with snow and bring them here  When you do, I want you to pile it here.  She indicated where she wanted the snow to be place, which was on the left side of the fort away from the street.

Without a word, we did as we began to do what we were told.  

As we started to run off, she said, "Bring snow, not slush or anything from the street.  We want clean snow!"

I smiled as I ran, feeling The Spell Of The Fort creeping back in.

---

We each made several trips, but since there were four of us, it wasn't long before the woman and her husband told us that we had enough snow, and that we could stop.  I was grateful for this, because the work of the day was beginning to catch up to me.

While we poured the snow on the side of the fort, which was indeed clean snow, an idea of what we were going to do with it began to form in my head.  

The woman began giving orders again in that sweet voice that made it feel more like a request, and we set to work.  I had been right in my assumption, and I had a couple of ideas on how to make this part of the project a little more awesome.

---

Twilight in winter never lasts long, and by the time you realize it's getting late, it's actually getting dark. 

"Alright," the woman said, "That should be enough."  She then asked her husband to fill a bucket of cold water, so we could christen the fort.  He smiled broadly and saluted in a way that made us giggle.

I turned and looked at the latest addition to the fort.  If you climbed on top of the fort, you now had a functional slide that took you down into the snow.  We each took a turn sliding down it, and it was fun.  I could tell that the other kids had the same compulsion as I did to keep sliding, even though it was something that we felt that we should have outgrown.

The woman's husband came back with the bucket and gave it to his wife.  She then came over to me and said, "I think you should be the one to christen the fort, since you helped me start it.  I want you to take this bucket and pour it down the slide. by morning, it will be icy, and you will slide *fast*!"  

Without question, I ran over to the fort and climbed to the top.  The woman handed me the bucket and I carried it over to where the slide was.  I didn't say anything, even though I felt I should, and I pour the water down.  There was enough to cause some of the water to pool at the bottom.

"Great job, guys!" the woman's husband said, "You now have the perfect snow fort."

And we did, and it was beautiful.

---

I never doubted that the trick with the water on the slide would work, and I gasped in surprise the next morning when I went back to the fort to find kids already playing on it.  I guess I always knew that despite all of our work, the fort wouldn't be just ours.  

There were about 4 younger kids on it, throwing snow, laughing and shrieking either from a snowfall right on the neck, or because of speed that they slid down the side of the fort, just as the woman predicted.  

I made sure to visit the fort every day when I could to make sure that The Bully didn't come to ruin it.  To me, he was the only one would ruin something so wonderful.  From time to time, I would slide down the side of the fort myself once or twice, but only when there weren't other children playing on it.

The other kids sometimes came to visit too, but we never really spoke.  Just like the day when we created the fort, we were simply bonded in the work itself, but there was nothing else to bring us together.  There was a visit when someone had taken out a chunk of the side of the fort opposite the slide, and I just took some snow and I packed it in carefully, making it almost good as new. You could still see a patch where the new snow met the old, but it was still a glorious structure to me.

In the end, it was nature that ruined the fort.  I had overheard my mother saying that it was supposed to finally warm up, and for the first time it occurred to me that the fort wouldn't last forever after all.  Over the next few days, the tempurature climbed, and the fort began to crumble.  

Part of me wanted to go and crush the fort, like The Bully did with my My Giant Snowballs a week and a half earlier, but not out of malice.  I just didn't want to see it fall apart slowly.  But, I never did.  One day the tempuratures had reached the upper forties, and when I walked past the fort after school, it had finally turned into a mound of melting snow.

The accomplishment that I felt from making the fort never went away.  Not only that, but I felt that I, along with my allies, countered everything that The Bully tried to do by destroying my initial project, the Giant Snowman.  It was a good feeling.

---

I saw the woman and her husband off and on for a while after that, but soon they just became people in the background as I walked to and from school.  I saw the other kids in school, but without a snow structure to work on, we were just strangers again.  Of course there would be a smile or a light wave, but nothing beyond that.

The Bully was no longer a problem by the beginning of summer.  He had moved away, and when my mother told me this, I smiled so big that it told my mother everything she had suspected about whether or not the boy was hurting me or not.  By that point, there was little she could do, but I could tell she was still ruffled by it.

I never really found out who the woman was, or why she took an interest in me that day.  I'm still grateful to her for being so kind to me, and I know for certain that I don't want to know why.  It's nice to know that at one point, a complete stranger did a good thing just for the sake of winter.  

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