Shelbycub's Den of Endless Ranting: September 2010

This made me LOL.

Rule 34 once again rears its hilarious head.

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way

I'm in the local paper again.

http://www.shelbynews.com/articles/2010/09/23/news/doc4c9ac54f36417052643819.txt

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way

Worn Down

I have no right to complain. Almost everything i am going through right now is of my own doing. I realize this, but at the same time, most of it because of my naiveté, taking on too much because i thought to myself, "How hard could it be?"

Being in two shows at the same time was a really bad idea. I thought that most I would have to deal with is the line and blocking memorization, but it never occurred to me that I would have to deal with the stress of two shows as well.

I also never thought that having such little free time would make matters worse. In the hour or so I have when I get up in the morning, and in the hour or so that I have before bed, I try to block all stress and concern that I have about everything going on in my life so I can start my day on a good note. Lately, that is becoming harder and harder to do. The day that I can leave a bulk of the stress behind is on the 10th of October, the night after "Inspecting Carol" closes. I'm fairly certain I don't know what I am going to do with myself, but I know it will be a relief. I might be wrong, but I think this will be the first time I won't suffer from Post Theatre Depression. I hope I don't. Sent from my iPad

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way

Over My Shoulder

So I'm sitting here on my IPad surfing Bearbook when a woman comes over saying, "I am going to look over your shoulder and..."

Before she even finished the first three words of that sentence, she was already scanning the screen, then she began asking questions about the device.

Now, don't get me wrong, I have nothing to hide, and I don't mind people asking questions about what I'm working on. My problem was that she was in my business before I had given permission for her to do so. At that moment there was nothing "offensive" on the screen but it could have happened.

Deciding that it was easier to just ignore the rudeness, I just answered her questions while demonstrating the IPad by switching to Google page. She seemed impressed. Then she was gone.

I don't know why it irked me, but it did.

Sent from my iPad

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way

Epic...and sad.....

http://su.pr/1omblq

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way

I dare you...

To find a picture that shows laziness worse than this! Post it here!

Sent from my iPad

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way

This is F*cked.... (Extremely Not Safe For Work!!)

Ah, the internet. I remember the days before it, but I don't remember them being this educational. Not educational in the sense that I learn something useful, but I do realize how truly odd the world can be. Odd by my standards, anyway.

Most of us who love to surf the internet have found things that have made us reassess what we consider to be fucked up. My standards are much more tolerant than most, so when I see something that makes me say, "What the FUCK?", it's pretty weird.

Note, as far as any videos or pictures on this blog go, I don't deal with vomit, excessive injuries, and poop. Those don't make me say WTF, but they just piss me off. So, I won't be showing anything like that on here. I hate that shit (no pun intended).

---

The first item I found was this gem from some Japanese movie. I don't know what it's called, and I don't care. I haven't even seen the rest of the movie, I just saw this clip.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=kWBOWbAzfuM

This is fucked, and let me tell you why.

I'll be honest, I've never had an actual working relationship with a vagina before, so I'm not sure what all can happen with them, especially on a ninja. Now, I don't know why the guy would be scared, given that his lover's ladyparts seem to be self cleaning. My first thought was, "Hey, that's a neat trick."

Can you imagine? "Hey, you wanna fool around?" he says.

"Sure." she says with a smile.

"Let's go to the bedroom..." he says, already feeling his pants tightening, "you do the thing yet?"

She looks to the bathroom and says, "Hold on, let me get into the tub first."

The next 10 minutes, it sounds like there is a mini washing machine running in the bathroom, all while the guy waits patiently in the bedroom, already feeling lightheaded at the light lemony scent.

Touching isn't it? For all I know, that's how it works. And even if it doesn't, so what? Not my thing anyway.

I'm just glad that sort of thing doesn't work on a guy. If it went as it should, BONUS! If it went wrong however.....we would need a lot more bubbles.

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wtf photos videos - JESUS CHRIST!

I remember Picture Day at school. Mom would put me into yet another turtleneck sweater and corduroy slacks, hand me my packet order form requesting the package we could afford that would have enough copies of the picture to last a traumatic lifetime, and push me off to school.

Had I known that costumes would have been an option, I would have dressed myself.

Now, I wouldn't have picked a unicorn like the person above, and I certainly wouldn't have a cat with me, even if they had been allowed in school. No, I probably would have chosen the Invisible Man, or Vampire In A Mirror, or even better yet, a Pane of Glass.

You have to give kudos to this...person (I really can't tell by the hands, but I think it might be a guy). And also kudos to the photography studio who took the picture. And big kudos to whoever posted it online. Probably the photographer. This, right here, is a great promotional tool.

It says, "We will take your picture. Come as you are. Bring your pets. We don't judge you, but the internet might."

Seems fair enough.

Picture is still fucked up, though.

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photobomb that guy - Whats Going On Here

Every once in a while, I wonder what parties are like when there aren't any gays around. It's almost like that question of "if a tree falls in a forest, and no one is there to hear it...."

For years, this question has popped into my mind, and the following scenarios play out in my head.

1. Party happens, people get drunk, and no one rearranges any furniture to give the room more visual appeal.

2. Women show up dressed in hideous clothing, and no one even bothers to help the poor color blind creature.

3. The air freshener in the bathroom goes completely untouched. Once during the evening, it doesn't even get flushed and it isn't even clogged.

4. The jello shots are all one color.

5. Straight guys end up not getting laid.

It always gives me a shudder when I think about it.

Then I find this picture, and I find that the truth is much more horrifying. I wish now I could go back to my innocence, what little I had left anyway.

Had there been a gay (or in this case, a team of them, because this isn't a job for just one 'mo), the guy in the blue shirt wouldn't be confused, because a gay would have explained it to him.

Guy In Maroon Shirt whipped it out, then wet himself. Woman in Hideous Tye Dye, who doesn't have a cell phone, had to pull Mr. Tinkles out of his soaked pocket to call and tell her friends about it, who were just in the other room. As you can see, the only thing she could say was, "FUUUUUUUUUU---"

If a gay had been there, he would have flirted with the Guy In Blue, taken the urine soaked sandwich from the Guy In Maroon and thrown it away, kicked out the Phoneless Woman for Clashing at everything, then beaten the possessed woman down in the corner until the evilness left her, followed by manicures for everyone.

Once everyone was passed out, that kitchen would have been cleaned, redecorated, and ready for Mimosas and Omelettes in the morning!

But this? Without a gay, this is just sad....

---

I went to just about every recipe website, and I couldn't find one cake recipe that even resembled this. Not saying I would make a Baby Cake, but I am saying I wanna know where the person who made this got the recipe from. What other recipes would I find?

Puppy Pancakes

Kitten Knishes

Horse Hash

These are the sort of things, Baby Cake included, that I expect Sandra Lee will make right before they put her into a nursing home from the criminally insane.

Yeah, my hate for her is still raging.

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That's all I have for today. Stay tuned on my blog for more random shit, because that's all I seem to have time for anymore.

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way

Minecraft Diary: September 19, 2010

I decided that I would make a diary of my adventure in Minecraft. This is my first serious world, and I have been playing this for a couple of days with what little free time I have. This is what I've been doing to keep my sanity at a time when my stress levels are high most of the time.

Anyhoo, the following picture is the inside of the perch that I made. If you are caught outside at night in game, there are Zombies and Creepers that will attack you, and right now, I'm way to vulnerable to have that happen. Later in the game, I can put on armor and go about hacking away at the creatures, but for now, the wise thing to do is to stow away somewhere in relative safety.

Note the glass areas on the floor.

Even though the Zombies and Skeletons burn up and disappear at first light, the Creepers, (which are the biggest danger because they explode) do not. When daylight finally comes, I can look down to see if there are any by the front door, which would suck. The Creeper would explode once it got near me, I would lose some of my life and part of my house would be decimated.

Here is the perch in daylight. Down below the perch, I have a house where I keep some storeboxes for materials. I have a ladder going up the column that takes me to the perch. Aw, goddammit! You remember when I told you that creepers explode? Well, one caught me off guard and you can see what happened. That hole used to be a window. At this point, I had to fill everything back in. There is one good thing that came from this mishap. I was able to find a vein of coal, which is very useful early in the game. I use it as fuel to make smelt iron, gold, and make glass, which can be used for various things. And here is the beginning on my excavation. This is where my main mining will take place, where I will build my minecart track and have it lead up to here. My plan is to make a fortress in a spot that is EPIC, but I am going to have to do a lot of mining. There are dangers underneath the ground, though. The farther I dig down, the greater the materials, but the nastier the monsters. The same creatures that come out at night are also hiding where it is dark. It will take some careful planning and patience to get this project going, because haste will only cause Creepers to explode and my precious, precious diamonds to fall into the lava. I'm still learning this game, but this is a good beginning so far. The great thing about this game is that setback are irritating, but not irreversible. I have to go to work now, but later on, I will start some serious mining and I'll keep you posted on the things that I find.

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way

The Ceiling Fan Is Up!

You know, when I installed the ceiling fan in the bedroom, I thought it was hell because I had to stand on a waterbed the entire time.

Well, I have now installed one in our office, and I can say that it was more stable, but it was still hell.

I can already tell that my arms are going to be aching tomorrow. Oh, and get this, the same catastorphes (save one), happened with this one as the last one. It's the same type of fan, and I'll be damned if I didn't drop a screw into the motor, drop screws and washers onto our very old, very worn, and very golden carpet, and just about fall several times during the installation process.

But, in the end, the fan was installed as you can see. Bill claims that we have one more install. I'm thinking we call Lowe's, and have them deliver and install the fucker.

Which begs the question, can you request a certain delivery person. Or at least describe who you would like sent and they send someone who is a reasonable facsimile in the gender you specify?

That would be glorious, wouldn't it?

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way

iPad hate....

So, as I stated before, I got looks of disapproval from hubby
regarding my iPad purchase.

I growled angrily as I said, "I'm gonna say this and I don't want to
hear any of your Apple hate, ok?"

"What is it, dear?" he said, exasperated, knowing good and well that
he could promise no such thing.

I turned in my chair to face him and I said, "Tweetdeck is made so I
can post on both Twitter and Facebook, right?"

Bill nodded impatiently.

"Well," I said, "the iPad app only does Twitter for some reason."

Bill grinned and said, "I bet it would work just fine on an Android..."

Now it was my turn to give *him* a disapproving glare, and when I did
Bill said, "Hey, that isn't IPad hate, that is Android love!"

After 14 years of that kind of logic, I'm surprised I haven't snapped yet.

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way

My New Toy

So, despite the looks of disapproval from my husband, I went ahead and
purchased an iPad. I did a shit pot of research and I decided that
while the thought of having an Android tablet is extremely enticing, I
still didn't see how in the long run it was going to matter.
Especially taking into consideration all of the things infant to do
with a tablet.

Anyhoo, in the short time I have been using this thing (yes, I am
posting from it) I know I will be pitting a ton of mileage on it.

The only limitation, which could not be avoided is that I got the wifi
only model. I just can't afford to pay for yet another 3G plan,
especially since there is no 3G coverage here in Shelbyville.

So, this is my last gadget for a while. But from what I have
experienced, this will do me for a while.

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way

This is why I play Minecraft...

You see that split hill there? That was generated randomly when I began this world in Minecraft. I'm sitting on a perch in relative safety wondering about all of the possiblities about what I'm looking at in the distance. I'm quite a ways from starting on *that* project, which is one of countless possibilities, but while I gather materials, and make my safehouses (being caught outside at night is a bad idea), I'll have time to think about it.

Other than the light tension I feel when I find myself hunting Creepers for TNT (which makes mining a lot easier, if not a bit primal and chaotic), this game is a great way to relax for me. It has a lot more versatility than Farmville and Frontierville, and it only cost me 10 bucks. Sure, the game is still in Alpha, but the anticipation of what will be added in the months to come keep me coming back. And I can do so whenever because, unlike other games I use to pass the time, I can work for 5 minutes, or 45 minutes, or all day if I had the time. Right now, 5 minutes is pretty much all I have. Once I get more time, I will probably bounce back and forth between this and City of Heroes and maybe....

Hmmm.....maybe I could make a dome of some type. A dome that extends down deep into a cave complex I'll have to mine myself. And while I mine, I will probably find diamonds and Redstone. Wow, the mind boggles!

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way

Me. Now.

I know I'm a little late with the "instant self portrait" meme, but here I am as of 8:45am on September 14th. I just woke up 45 minutes ago, allergies are kicking my ass, and last night wasn't a good one for me. Hence, I look like shit.

How are you?

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way

I needed a cheer up.

This'll do.

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way

Three Tasty, Tasty Podcasts

Well, I finally got caught up and I was able to get my remaining three podcasts uploaded this weekend. That even includes the one that was recorded yesterday at the WOOF weekend picnic. So, if you wanna listen, here it is. They are delicious, in a very wrong sort of way. And here comes the raunchy gay comedy! The first one is Episode 66 -- "Eating The Business" The next is Episode 67 -- "Everyone's Popcorn Was Ruined" And the WOOF Weekend show is Episode 68 -- "Jailbait Jerky"