Drag Queens Rejoice!

M•A•C makeup has a new spokeslady. Wonder Woman. These pics are from the Bloomingdales event. I blame my friends for bringing me here.

See and download the full gallery on posterous

Wm--

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way

Choose Your Own Adventure: Shelbycub Style

Okay, I've been asked what the Choose Your Own Adventure Project is, so I thought I would explain and give an example

A few years ago, there was a meme going around (and still is if I remember correctly), where people would say, "Send me an e-mail, and I will make something and send it to you." 

I don't know how that project got started, but I got a little jealous.  You see, I'm creative, but only with my mind.  I took art classes when I was in school, and while my teachers lauded me for having great ideas, I often lost point when it came to taking those ideas and making them tangible.  

I can't draw, I can't sculpt or crave, and I can't construct anything that might even be considered "contemporary art".  It's just crap.  

But, according to many of the people that I knew at the time, I could write, so I decided to do my own little project.

I came up with the Choose Your Own Adventure one evening while I was trying to sleep.  It was one of my impulse thoughts, and the next morning I created a blog entry explaining what I needed before I could talk myself out of it.

The premise was simple.  I would ask people to give me specific elements of a potential story, and I would then write a piece of short fiction using those elements.  Those elements were:

1.  Location:  

2.  One other person, fictional or no, to play a part in the story, along side the contributor.  Yes, the contributor would be the main person in the story.  I just needed the name of someone else for them to interact with.

3.  A catalyst of some sort.  Something that would happen that get the story moving along.  

I thought I would get one or two responses at best, but I got so many that I ended up not finishing them all.  It was crazy.  And touching.  And I had a blast.  

Anyway, I thought about starting that up again, making that part of the Days Of Me project.  I'm not really sure how fiction plays into this, but why the hell not.  These are my entries, and I can do whatever I want.

So, what I'm going to do is copy and paste an old entry from a couple of years ago.  It is actually one of my favorites.  I wrote it for my friend Bobby who was one of the first to respond.

Here it is:  I hope you enjoy.  And let me know what you think and if anyone is interested in doing this project with me again.  Of course, I won't kill myself like I did last time.  People who read my blog now seem to be much more patient when it comes to when I post stuff.

Thanks for reading!

---

Choose Your Own Adventure!

Place:  Busy Street in a Large City (I chose Chicago)
Other Person:  Christian Bale
Event Trigger:  He is coming out to Bobby, because he has fallen in love.  Of course, people keep interrupting.

And now...

---

Three Strikes, and You're Out

"This hangover is going to kill me," Bobby said as he leaned against a pole on the corner of Halsted and Roscoe, "I'm serious."

William stood nearby watching Bobby through the mist of his own breath in the cold Chicago air.  "Oh, come on, you didn't drink *that* much, did you?"

Bobby gave William an incredulous look, and said, "I started drinking at 1 in the afternoon, remember?"

"No, I got to the hotel at 5:30.  I figured you started drinking then." William said with a bit of humor in his voice, "Whatever happened to the guy you tricked with?"

"Did I trick with someone?" Bobby asked.

William shook his head, "I guess you *did* drink a lot."

Bobby stood up from leaning against the pole and said, "No fuckin' shit.  Look, if I get some breakfast I'll be fine.  Nookie's Tree alright?"  William nodded and began to walk south while Bobby followed.

They hadn't gone more than 10 paces when a man who looked to be in his early 30s walked straight up to Bobby and kissed him on the mouth.  The man was wearing a white hoodie and jeans, which made him looked mildly meancing.  There was no prelude, or hello, just a kiss that stopped Bobby in his tracks.

William knew that if Bobby hadn't been so incapacitated by the hangover, this guy would have been on that ground without lips.  Lucky for the guy, all he got was a quick shove back.

William laughed as he said "Hey Bobby, looks like your friend is back for mo..."  Then he stopped.

---

With only the dim bathroom light to guide them, Bobby and his new friend stumbled through the hotel room, trying not to wake William up.   They didn't know that William had just turned out the light and hadn't had a chance to fall asleep yet.

One of them stumbled on the office chair, and the two temporary lovebirds giggled drunkenly while on their way to the other bed.  William tried to get a look at the guy who came back to the room with Bobby, but there wasn't enough light to make out a face.  Wanting to give them some privacy, he rolled over on his side, and let the sounds of drunken passion lull him to sleep.

---

"I looked for you back at the hotel, but you weren't there," the 30-something man said with a British Accent.  "I check with the front desk, but they said you hadn't checked out yet, so I came looking for you.  I have to talk to you."

Bobby was wiping his mouth off gingerly saying, "Wait.  Who the fuck are you?"

William's eyes widened as he said, "That's Christian Bale, Bobby.  Your trick from last night..."

Bobby glared at William, "I don't care if it's Jesus Fucking Christ and the Disciples, you don't just fuckin' kiss someone without..."

"I love you." Christian said and after a shocked moment, William burst out laughing.

Bobby began walking again toward the restaurant, which wasn't even a block away, "Hey, look Chris, I don't even remember you.  Hell, if William hadn't told me, I wouldn't have known that anyone stayed with me last night."

"I would have stayed this morning, but I had to meet with my agent early this morning.  While I was talking to him..." Christian was interrupted by a woman holding a camera.  She looked like a business woman who had seen her share of cosmetic surgery, right down to her too perfect cleavage that had to have been bought.

"Oh.   My.  God.  It's Batman!  Please, please, PLEASE can I get a picture taken with you?!" the woman said in a hysterical tone, "And an autograph?  Holy shit, it's really you!"  She handed Bobby the camera and told him where to push the button for the photo.

Bobby, who was in a foul temper to begin with, just stared at the camera glare that should have melted it.  The woman posed next to Christian who also looked as if he weren't too happy about this.  Bobby then took the camera and through it out onto the busy street where it was promptly run over by a cab.

The woman looked toward where the camera landed and said, "You fucking asshole, that was a 600 dollar camera."

"Yeah," Christian said, "Now it's a worthless pile of plastic, just like you, you dumb twat!"  William burst out laughing at the sudden quick wit.  Bobby smirked, but was still too fuzzy to really appreciate the clever verbal barb.

The woman's face went pale at the outburst, and she slunk away into the milling crowd like a spectre into a swamp.

Christian took Bobby's arm, ignoring the man's glare, and said, "Well, shall we be off?  I'm starving."

"Come on," William said, "it can't hurt.  We were going to have breakfast anyway.  And...it's Christian Bale and how often do you...."  His voice trailed off as Bobby's face reddened in anger.

---

William often refers to Nookie's Tree as the Gay Denny's.  Open 24 hours, and serving breakfast all day, it's smack dab in the middle of Boystown, so of course, most weekends, there are waves of people eager to plunge into brunch, no matter the time.

The trio walked into Nookie's Tree at the perfect moment.  There was no one waiting for a table, and there was only one available so they could sit down without waiting.  Since it was apparent that Bobby had very little patience, William breathed a sigh of relief.

Christian had pulled up his hoodie, and put on some sunglasses, which did nothing to make him blend in.  In fact, he drew more attention that way.

This became apparent when the waitress came up to the table and set down three waters, "Hey, Slick, you aren't planning on sending any letterbombs today, are you?"

"What?" Christian asked, not understanding the reference.

William piped in, "I think we are ready to order, hon."

William and Bobby ordered platters, while Christian only wanted a coffee, saying that he had already eaten.

Bobby turned to Christian and said, "I thought you said you were starving."  Christian just smiled and drank some water.  William looked in Bobby's eyes and did some calculating.

Okay, the kiss was the first strike, that I know, William thought, but when Christian went off on that woman with the camera, that was *definitely* a ball.  He obviously lied about being hungry as an excuse to join us at breakfast, which is another strike, no doubt about it.  Careful, buddy, you are on the bubble.

Christian put down his glass, and said, "Look, I've never felt like anyone, not even my wife, the way I feel about you.  Last night, you did things to me I never thought possible.  I felt things I never knew I could."

"I have a husband already, Chris, and..." Bobby said.

"My name is not Chris, it's Christian, alright?"

Bobby blinked, and said, "Whatever.  I don't know what I did, and I don't care, but the thing is, I'm not available."

"What you did, was you touched me in places no one has touched me before." Christian said in a whisper.

William, who was watching this conversation with great interest, said, "Oh Bobby, tell me you didn't stick your finger in his ass!"

Bobby raised his voice a little and said, "I don't know, I was fuckin' drunk out of my mind!"  William wasn't paying any attention because he watched the reminiscing smile creep across Christian's face.

"Oh, mercy, that's exactly what happened.  Bobby, you might have been drunk, but you made him see the light.  No wonder he is in love with you.  You found his prostate!"  William laughed loud enough to draw a little more attention to the table.

"Shit," Bobby mumbled, "I'm gonna puke..." and he jumped up and stumbled to the bathroom.

"I should go with him, he needs me." Christian said. 

William took one look at Bobby as he lurched away and said, "No, no, let him be.  You don't wanna bother him when he's like this.  He...has a temper at times."

"He alright?" the waitress said as she approached the table with a tray of food.

"He'll be fine," William said as his food was placed in front of him, "just a little hungover, that's all."

The waitress clicked her tongue in irritation, "He better not mess up that bathroom, I'll kick him out if he does."

---

It was about 5 minutes before Bobby came back, but he looked immensely better as he sat down.  "Good," he said, "the food is here."

"You alright, love?" Christian asked.

Bobby ignored the question and said, "Eat up, William, we'll be leaving soon."

Uh-oh, William thought, I think our little friend just struck out.

For the next 10 minutes, Bobby and William ate in silence while Christian sipped his coffee and looked at the object of his affection lovingly.  Suddenly, Bobby looked up and the man that had just come into the restaurant.  "Hey, William, I hope your done.  It's time to go."

"Yeah, I'm good." William said with rising anxiety.  He knew something was up, but he wasn't sure what it would be.  He got his answer soon enough.

Christian drained the rest of his coffee and said, "This place has really shitty coffee anyway, maybe we could..." and that is when Bobby stuck his tongue down the movie stars throat.  Instead of fending him off, Christian returned the kiss wrapping his arms around Bobby gently, moaning with pleasure.  

Someone nearby, a guy muttered, "Oh, get a room..."

FLASH!

William turned to see a man standing there with a large camera, grinning like a madman.  Everyone was looking at the table now, Bobby and Christian locked in a lover's embrace, William with his jaw almost to the table.

Bobby wriggled away from Christian and stood up saying, "Look, everyone!  It's Christian Bale!  I'm done with him now, so if anyone wants him, he's yours!"

Complete and absolute silence was the response.

"And," William announced, always the showman, "Christian is a bottom."

FLASH!

It were as if the second flash had broken the paralysis of the room.  Suddenly, the restaurant was a whirlwind of pandemonium.  William and Bobby jumped away as the swarm circled in on the photographer and the newly outed star.

Bobby left 20 bucks at the register, which was now unmanned, and pushed his way out the front door.  William followed, worried that the money would be taken, and they would be walking out on the check.

Before he could say anything about it, Bobby said, "I wasn't sure that would work."

"It almost didn't.  He wanted to follow you into the bathroom to help.  Good thing I saw you go for your phone, or I would have let him.  Jesus, Bobby, the tabloids?  What if they wanted to talk to you?"  William shook his head in amazement.

Bobby said, "Well, my hangover is almost gone, but I'm not sure if it was the food or the drama that did it."

"Probably both," William replied, "what do you wanna do now?"

Bobby walked out to the street and put his arm up to hail a cab, "Let's go back to the hotel.  I wanna get some sleep."

"Good," William replied, "I have some blogging to do."

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way

The Many Days Of Me: Changes

Okay, so I have a character flaw.  I over extend myself.

I wanted to post something every day for a year, but I began to get stressed about it.  It wasn't that I ran out of stories, but I ran out of time, and I got far behind.

I know some of you are thinking, "I was waiting for this to happen."  Well, you were right.  

Well, I am making changes. Instead of doing something everyday for 365 days, I'm going to spend the next year writing more.  That gives me more freedom and less pressure.  So, I changed the name of the project to The Many Days Of Me.

This also gives me freedom to write more diversely.  Maybe some fiction, maybe something that happened 5 minutes before.  The point is, I want people to know who I am, because I really don't think people do.  Not in general, anyway.  There are a select few who get me, on a deep level that many will not be able to achieve.  But, I would like for people in general to understand me better, because quite frankly, I boggle the minds of some people.

Especially those people who live in worlds that are completely different than mine.  Most accept me, but some judge me.  Either way, I feel that if they are going to have an opinion of me one way or the other, I should clue them in on who I am.

As usual, my stories will be personal, funny, deep, and in some cases uncomfortable for some.  That isn't changing.  

Oh, and one other thing.  I might do special stuff too.  Remember when I said that I was hoping to do some fiction?  Yeah, I did a side project once that was a lot of fun.  The first attempt went really well, but the next two I let slip through my fingers.  I may bring it back, who knows.  

If anyone remembers the "Choose Your Own Adventure Project", let me know if you are interested in participating.  I loved doing that shit.  You have no idea.

Anyhoo, just thought I would fill you all in.

Talk soon!

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way

A little help

Okay, so I'm behind in my 365DOM project.  I need some motivation, and one of the people who has been reading my posts asked a question and it gave me inspiration.  But that one is going to take some time.

So, since I'm writing about myself, do any of you have any questions?  I can't promise to answer them all, at least not immediately, and I can't promise to answer if the question is vague, unnecessarily vulgar, or unanswerable, but I can promise that the questions I choose to answer will have completely honest answers.

So, what do you think?  You wanna?  

Can't hurt.

I'm eager to hear from you!

shelbycub@gmail.com

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way

365 Days Of Me: January 22, 23, 24, 25, and 26th -- A Bit Of Irony

1.  A FRIENDLY CHAT

For the last few days, I had been having an e-mail/facebook chat war with a woman who is hell bent on saving me.  It began as a simple set of questions about my story of Church Camp, and whether or not that was the turning point that made me into an athiest.  I responded that there was no turning point, but I had to admit that the experience at The Retreat didn't help matters much at all. 

I attempted to be civil about it, but she was having none of it.  

First, she asked me if there was anything positive about The Retreat.  I told her that there was, those few moments that I spent with Gregory.  She then asked me if I even attempted to make friends other than Gregory, and I told her that I hadn't acquired those social skills yet.

I feel that this is when things became a bit ugly.  See, I hadn't realized that I was walking into a trap of sorts, and to be fair, I don't think she realized I had done so until she saw an opportunity to state a point in her favor.  

Recently in an online chat, she asked, "Do you have any Christian friends?"

I responded that I did, in addition to Jewish, Agnostic, Wiccan....

There was a pause, and I imagined that she was trying to formulate what she could say next, an advantage to having delicate conversations over chat.  

"Do your Christian friends seem happy?" she asked.

I told her that for the most part, they did.  

"Why do you think that is?" she asked.  

Without hesitating, I said, "I feel that Christians are happy for the same reason that anyone is happy.  They have found something they can devote themselves to, and this is something that brings them joy.  In the case of Christians, they can devote themselves to their Deity."

There was another pause.  Then she asked, "You don't feel that it is God that makes them happy?"

I sat back in my chair, and this time it was my turn to carefully pick my words.  There are some atheists who amuse themselves with arguing with theists, but I don't.

"Being an athiest, I don't believe that there is a God.  So, I can't say that I feel anything, as to whether or not God makes them happy."

There was more I wanted to add to that, but I knew that would be entering even more dangerous ground.

"Are you happy?" she asked.  This was the question I had been waiting for.

2.  THE GREAT BLUE BEAST

I have been battling anxiety and depression since I was 7 years old.  Having been in therapy for most of my childhood, and I had been on several medications up until I was 20 or so.

When a person battles depression, it's difficult to every say whether or not they are "happy".  Even when things are going well, the depression lurks in your mind like a Great Blue Beast, waiting to shred any positive thinking with a swipe of its sharp talons.  With medication, the Great Blue Beast can be tamed, but even so, it never truly goes away.

It is not easy describing to someone what it is like to constantly have this battle, trying to keep up with life when all you want to do is get back into bed and sleep.  

So when people ask me if I'm happy, I say that I am.  I look at the good things in my life, and I look at the bad, and I put them on a mental scale.  If it weren't for the Great Blue Beast, would I be happy?

I have a husband that I love dearly.  He is patient, he is kind, and he loves me just as much.  We are safe and secure in our house, and we haven't gone hungry.  I have a small circle of good friends, and a huge network of other friends with whom time spent together and distance prevent us from growing as close as we could.

My blood family accepts me for who I am, and recently I have introduced them in person to those I consider my Chosen Family.  As far as I can tell, both faction like each other.

I do things that I love.  Writing, acting cooking, and comedy.  I have been given opportunities to perform both in the background and in the spotlight.  I've recently been asked to assistant direct a show here in town, which will be a new adventure for me.  

I get to travel to some of my favorite cities, although not as much as I would like to.  And when I travel, there is almost always someone there that I can hang out with.

If I want to a bowl of Lucky Charms, I can.  If I want to go a movie, I can do that too.  

The list of things to make me happy is long.  I have no reason to complain.  But there is the Great Blue Beast to contend with, and it isn't always a winning battle.  I wish I could say differently.

So, if someone asks me if I'm happy, I say yes.  The Great Blue Beast might argue, but he doesn't have a voice.  Just the talons.

3.  THE UNSOLICITED PLEA

"Yes, I can say that I'm happy" I said to the one who wishes to save me from my own atheism.  

Another pause, then "I don't think it is possible to be happy without God."

I sighed, hoping it wouldn't come to this.  I had hoped to have a discussion, not an argument, so I pulled the card that I hate, but is my parachute on occasions like this.

"Let's just agree to disagree." I typed.  

"Hear me out, please." she responded, and I sighed again.  That was the last civil card I had.  I had played it too early.

There was a long pause, and the little indicator that she was typing almost smoked with her pending response.

Finally, in several bursts of text, she pleaded her case.  I had to scroll up a couple of times because the text was popping up to quickly for me to follow.  

She said, "Without God, your life doesn't have a direction.  I bet you can't even tell me one thing in your life that gives you a purpose, and even if you could, is it really a purpose that makes you happy?  Or does it make you think you are happy?

I read on your Facebook page that you were an atheist, and I couldn't believe it.  You have Christian values, or so I thought.  And then I read your story about going to that camp, and it all made sense to me.

You were hurt by those people, and it made you turn away from God.  It's sad how things turned out, but if they had only embraced you and helped you when you needed them maybe you would lead the life that God intends for you.

It isn't too late, Will.  It is never too late."

I waited.  I wasn't sure if there was going to be more.  

I had to give her credit, she had good intentions.  Of course, she wasn't saying anything that hadn't been said to me many times before.  The words were different, but the intentions were the same.

"I really do appreciate this, hon," I responded, "But there is nothing wrong with me.  There is nothing wrong with you either.  We just don't agree on this point is all.  Can we just leave it at that?"

The ball was in her court now, and I wasn't really sure how it was going to come back to me.

4.  A CIRCLE OF CHAIRS

Exactly one week after the Youth Minister confronted me the first time, he did so again, this time in the fellowship hall of the church itself.  The Sunday Service was over and he had asked me if I could help him set up chairs for that evenings gathering for the teens who went to the retreat.  Since everyone was so worn out from the retreat the previous Sunday, they decided to wait a week before having a gathering about it.  I wasn't planning on going, since I had been prematurely ejected, but when I was asked to set it up, I didn't mind.  I had been invited, and I turned the invitation down.  That made me feel better about not going.

The Youth Minister kindly gave directions where he wanted the chairs placed, in a huge circle that almost went to each wall of the room.  As we placed chairs, we talked, and since the door was closed, the Youth Minister didn't hold anything back.

"You know, it was kinda rude for you to walk out of my house like that.  We weren't done having a conversation." he said.

I had been unfolding a chair, and I froze.  I had thought the entire thing behind me and here it was back again.

I would have apologized at this point, but I was raised that you never apologized for something if you had no intention of preventing the same thing from happening in the future.  So I said, "I didn't want to talk about it."

After placing down a folding chair, he stood and folded his arms.  His look of disapproval was evident, but for once I didn't feel intimidated.  My fear of confrontation had taken a holiday it seemed. Perhaps it was because confrontation with someone who has authority in a church is different than, say, a school teacher.

"Bill, when people are trying to help you, you should let them." he said, his voice compassionate despite his glare.

A flash of anger suddenly boiled inside me and said, "Yeah?  Well, you shouldn't push people when it's really none of your business!"

It was the first time I had ever stood up to an adult like that.  I hated myself for it.

In that moment, I had imagined him coming over and decking me in the jaw.  Instead, he sighed and looked down and said, "Look, let's start over, 'kay?"

I went over and pulled another chair from the stack leaning against the far wall.  

"Bill, you have a problem, and we can help you.  But you have to let us help you." he said as I put another chair into the circle.  

I looked at him then, and said, "I never asked to be helped."

"Alcoholics and drug addicts rarely asked to be helped either, but that doesn't mean they don't need help."

Walking back over, now determined to finish this project as quickly as possible, I said, "I'm not addicted to anything."

He grunted as if he disagreed, but didn't say anything.

I put my hands on another chair, and I stopped.  I had to think of a way out of this conversation, but I had to do so without giving any opportunities to continue the conversation later.  I wanted it done.

I turned to him and said, "I'm sorry I broke the rules at The Retreat.  And I'm sorry that Todd had to drive all night to take me home.  But that is all that I'm sorry for."

"Apology accepted, but that isn't even the point." the Youth Minister said.

I picked up another chair and said, "What is the point, then?"

"Being....what you think you are displeases God, Bill.  I don't think you understand how serious this is." he said, almost pleading.  

Setting the chair down back in the circle, I said, "You told us that our relationship with God is our own.  I'll worry about displeasing God in my own way."

He stared at me for a moment, incredulous.  Then his face was a mask of controlled fury, so sudden that it was almost comical.

"You act as if this is something you can bargain with God, Bill, and you can't.  You can't have it both ways, you know.  You can't be a Christian and live a sinful lifestyle.  You just can't, those are the rules.  It's in the Bible, and there is no way around it.  You are young, and you think that you can do whatever you want, but the truth is that the things you do now will have dire consequences, in life and in death."

I looked at him, and he seemed much different to me somehow.  He seemed less of the man that everyone lauded, and more of the man who was just like all the others.  Weak and desperate to hold onto the few things in his life he has control over.  

There was so much I wanted to say to him then.  I wanted to tell him that I never really felt like a Christian, but rather, I had hoped that being a part of the church would help me get a circle of friends. That, sadly, wasn't the case.  I was just as alienated at Church as I was at school.

I wanted to tell him that I didn't have a relationship with God like the others did.  I was beginning to question whether or not God even existed, something that I had suspected for quite some time.  Books I had read, things I had seen on televisions, and the thoughts that I let roam free when things were quiet made me question whether or not there was a Diety, and as time moved on, so did my old superstitions. 

I wanted to say all of these things, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.  While it would have ended the conversation for that day, it would burn a bridge that I thought I needed for the time being.

"I just need to think." I finally said, and went back for another chair.  

We continued to work in silence, and eventually the circle was complete, and I left the room without saying a word.

5.  MY TRUE PATH

"I will pray for you, Will."

The message came with a sense of finality that I had expected.  

I put my fingers to the keyboard and responded, "I appreciate it, but it isn't necessary.  I'm fine."

She logged off, and I have yet to hear from her again, or even see her online.  Maybe I've been blocked or something, and that's fine. 

This isn't the first conversation I have had since coming to terms with my atheism, which came about a year after attending the Retreat.  It wasn't the Retreat that made me an atheist, but it did hasten the process which had been cooking for years.  It wasn't the rejection, or the cruelty that did it.  I came to the same crossroads that the other teens did, looking at my life and the path I would take into adulthood.

I'm certain that almost all of the other teens took their bibles and used them to dowse the direction that they took.  I, however, didn't use a bible, but my own nature, my own heart.  When I found that it was leaning in a completely different direction, one full of uncertainty and questions that were impossible to answer, it was, of course, intimidating and scary.

But when I looked down deep into how I truly felt, in that area that I had been taught that God should reside, I found that it was the path I was meant to take.  I wouldn't truly walk down that road for a year.  For me, however, it is an honest road despite it's trials, and I've always been taught that the living an honest life is never easy, and one should always use the adversity to make us stronger.

Ironically, those teachings came from the Church.

Funny that.

Posted via email from Random and Absurd: The American Way